New year…2009. A chance for new beginnings as some put it…but I don’t think so. Even though I had vacations this last month and my academic year was over long before, I am still entering ’09 with my same old self and a lot of problems.
2008 has not been good for me. I had a lot of stress and a lot of stuff going on. My academic performance went downhill and I spent most of the year frustrated and angry. This is coming with me in 2009 whether I want to or not.
First off, I am having problems with the final year project for my degree. It is going to be tough and even though I have an idea what i am going to make, I have considerable doubt in myself. I did realize why; its because everyone badgered me into finding a final year group and which led to a major confidence drop.
Next, the people I am around are too negative and after 3 years I think it is finally rubbing off on me. I am trying my best to remedy that and there is a war going on inside my head of optimism vs. pessimism. This is my major source of stress I guess.
Then my uni secretly “announced” that the last date of admission is January 3rd. Most of us who are abroad won’t be back before 4th or so since the uni starts on Jan 2nd. This has never happened before and usually we get at least two weeks after the academic year commences to get our admissions done. It is annoying and I am worried about my admission since I will return on 8th (a holiday).
The academic year hasn’t even started yet and our teachers have already started talking about assignments, tests and term reports. To think they would be lenient on us this year since we have to work on final year project and it is a big deal…but I guess stress is the uni’s middle name so to say.
Then there is the GRE preparations and the Post-Graduation options I have to consider. Universities to search, to apply to them and make the right choice…it is quite tough.
It seems as much as I wanted to maintain a light schedule in 2009, it will go the other way entirely…and that is annoying. It feels like I don’t have control over my circumstances anymore and I feel so lost.
Anyways, so these days my activities include trying to learn AutoCAD, preparing GRE and practicing for my ambidexterity. I am not a big fan of reading which is making it difficult for me to learn AutoCAD…as I have to refer to AutoCAD for dummies and it has too much theory in it. This also makes me realize that all the literature I have to study for my FYP…I might have some problems with that and of course then I have to make the FYP which is another problem.
Yet I am looking forward to 2009, planning to deal with things as they come…trying to maintain an optimistic outlook.I have a feeling that once i get my life busy again things might not look so bad. I also think that I am having all these confusing, stressful thoughts because I have too much time on my hands.
My cousins just told me they are planning for a get-together at my uncle’s place. I wasn’t able to go last year but I have every intention of going this year. I am excited. This might prove to be a chance to relax and enjoy and let go of everything.
I am also sad about leaving my parents again…and that depression is setting in.
Anyways, your prayers at this point will be greatly appreciated. Take care.
Wish you all a Happy New Year!